Be like Jon… or John

The green-eyed monster… (And the priest referenced Shakespeare for it this morning during his homily. 😜)

Saul was jealous of David. Seriously, all the young boy did was slew a soldier with acromegaly. But the green-eyed monster in him made him hunt David down to have him killed. What drives a person to act on their jealousy?

People are often envious – the word is synonymous with ‘jealous’, the priest pointed that out, too – of the looks, possessions and abilities of their ‘neighbour’. We are also, in a way, jealous when we ask how someone could get away with what they’ve done and gain something good out of their ‘inconceivable’ act.

Insecurity. It’s a sick cycle carousel. When you’re insecure about yourself, you start to feel jealous about another person, you act on it, eventually making that person feel insecure about themselves, too.

Insecurity. Something I’ve come to be so familiar with in 2015. It probably started way before that but last year was hell year for me because it surfaced itself in all its smugness. I wouldn’t say what or who caused it. Because, now that I’m on the road to freedom and recovery, I’ve thought back on how I could’ve ignored those provocations but I felt too trampled upon to think rationally.

As ironic as it may seem, I am a writer whose weakness is with words. It is ironic but also mostly only verbal. I shut down instantly when abused verbally. I do not know how to stand up for myself when caught in the path of worded bullets even when I know I didn’t do anything wrong. A surprise interrogation is the best way to take me down. I would get into an anxiety meltdown, possibly even a cardiac arrest. Unless I have a reply scripted out beforehand, I would just… well, die. At this point, I look at my son and realise where he got his anxiety disorders from.

There, you can try ambushing me when you see me next and watch me wilt in my little corner. (I did NOT just associate myself with a flower, did I? 😒) But I doubt most of you would be satanic enough to pull that off without feeling an inch of guilt. I don’t care if I’m right about that last statement. Just want to see everyone as naturally good.

There is no way to go around our insecurities but to feel good about ourselves. There is no other way to feel good about ourselves but to see ourselves through the eyes of our Creator.

Jealousy, in my opinion, is the most deadly emotion. It clouds our judgements. It kills. Jonathan, son of Saul and John the Baptist are biblical figures who were not jealous. Be like Jon and John. 😆

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