She twirls

Twirling, whirling, spinning

Turning, twisting, pivoting

Swiveling, revolving, rotating

That is what it feels like

 

As oppose to

Sinking, falling, dropping

Submerging, plunging, descending

 

No one is

Losing, missing, wasting

Failing, eluding, leaving

 

She is just going around in circles

Twirling and pivoting like a dancer

While the world is

Swiveling and revolving beyond her

 

The only way to get to her

Is to break into her

Spin around with her

Feel the vertigo that is her

Grasp the rhythm together

Perceive the cadence

And flow with her

 

She composes

She formulates

She devises

She choreographs

She plans

 

Contrary to what they think

She is not

Ignorant, oblivious, unaware

 

She is simply taken

Captured into a different world

Away from what is

Normal, ordinary, conventional

 

She is remarkable

She is exceptional

She is special

But she still needs you

 


 

Author’s Note:

 

I wrote this after watching the music video of ‘Dig’ by Incubus. It hit quite close to home. As I watched the ballerina twirl around, I realised that someone trapped in desolation does not ‘sink’ into their condition that is too often mistakenly called depression. They do not fall into desolation. I believe they are caught in it and they go around in circles within it.

 

Do you remember that feeling of spinning around giddily when you were little? It took you away from the world. But you loved that feeling. For a moment there, you did not want to come out of it. You wanted to watch the sky rotate above you. You wanted to feel the shadows in your closed eye swirl.

 

Coming out of melancholia is like stopping that twirl, being smacked with the fact that you’re getting off-balanced and finally hitting the ground really hard. No one wants that painful experience.

 

Brandon Boyd tells us how we could help someone in desolation:

If I turn into another

Dig me up from under what is covering

The better part of me

[Sing this song]

Remind me that we’ll always have each other

When everything else is gone

 

And I say, all this person needs is you by his/her side.

Take it back

I can’t remember what it was that I wanted at the beginning
I can’t remember who it was that I wanted to do this for
I can’t remember how I felt when I first got it
I can’t remember why I had yearned for this in the first place
I can’t remember where I got this desire or if I ever did get it at all
I can’t remember when I started becoming who I am now
I can’t remember who I was before this
But I can remember that all I wanted was peace
I can remember that all I wanted was to make it all okay
I can remember that all I ever wanted was to make things better for everyone else
And I still do want that badly
Relationships are more precious to me than anything else in the world
I don’t want this if it’s going to cause you even an ounce bitterness
I don’t want this if it’s going to burn our relationship away
I don’t want this if I will lose one friend over my greatest desire
Take it back
I will be alright without it

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/da6/4188325/files/2015/01/img_3333.jpg

In search of calmness

In search of calmness
I find myself having a pint of my favourite malted drink
With my favourite person in the world
On one of my favourite streets
In my favourite city
On my favourite day of the week
All of my favourites coming together
It feels right
At this point of time
When I’m trying to cross a stream of my life
Waiting for the bamboo raft that would take me across the waters
Where I will find the place
Where the Almighty has set for me
For the next stage of my life

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/da6/4188325/files/2015/01/img_3318.jpg